Adulting with Tita May

What does it mean to do ‘adulting’?

Adulting sometimes is used by some boomers to look down at millennials trying hard doing adult-type work and being responsible for the first time. Enough of this derision.

Adulting is for all of us- struggling to do things adult should do, pretending to be an adult, or when you don’t want to take the responsibility of being one!

Being an adult means believing at your own capacity and going through the mundane daily life. Nothing what you see everyday on Facebook and Instagram is the real life. Being an adult is finding joy in the mundane. Do not fret for the daily life is not a glossy social media highlight.

Adulting means making the hard choices- what career path to take, where to settle (most of us are a part of the mobile population), whether to have kids or not, how to spend our money– these are no longer as easy as it used to be. We assume more responsibility and it feels so complex. There will be a lot of pressures too.

Adulting is hard for no one is an expert with how to go about it. While there are a lot of adulting hacks, life hacks and all that DIY, it will be up to you which will work at your current situation. Your context matters on how to deal with it, whether it is with your job, your romantic relationship, or with your parents. There is no blueprint which we can follow to a tee. We are novices and we continue to learn how to deal with these.

Adulting means dealing and defining our relationships. It even means being upfront with our family. It is even contemplating of witty comebacks to our nosy relatives asking us a lot of questions every clan reunion. It could even come to a point of cutting ties with people who are toxic already.  Oh yes, it is okay to do this too! We’ve been told that whatever happens family will be crucial support system and we have to endure it out of love and loyalty. But there are unhealthy relationships and we have to acknowledge that. You have to know you can walk away and cut off your connection to a family or a family member who causes anxiety, stress and pain to you. It is okay to end a toxic relationship- even that is with a family member.

We learned a lot of patterns from our household and it will come to a point that these behavioral patterns no longer work. And we will struggle to unlearn these habits!

Being an adult nowadays seems too challenging yet, it is not too different with what our parents have thread on before. They surely have some things to share on how they were able to survive them. We will also realize our parents are not superheroes and they are flawed human beings. You may love and resent them at the same time, at some point.

What we have to be thankful for is- we have our age and technology to our own advantage!

We can now learn how to cook any recipe without calling mom or dad- ask Google and tons of Youtube videos! We can do a lot of banking and our groceries online. There are a lot of expense monitor to help us out in our budgeting.

Adulting is also figuring out what we want in life and it does not unfold easily. We have our childhood dreams and sometimes to our frustration, we have to settle for something else. It can cause bitterness especially if you try to compare yourself with others.

It is also the process of knowing your self and to love that person, warts and all. Your self is your biggest ally and competition.

Just know that it is not cowardice to seek help. If you are feeling lost or afraid, it is okay.  Know that it is important to have a support system that will help you make sense of these life changes. It is okay to seek professional help if it feels too overwhelming.

Yes, adulting is hard but it can also be a journey of adventure as you uncover yourself. Being an adult means dealing with both the hard truths and taking responsibility of the choices you make. Be comforted in the idea that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in these struggles.

And pat yourself. It is hard but you are striving to do a good job.

Photo by Robin Higgins

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